whatever you like (but me)

I can’t breathe
cause every moment
tears a piece of me
out of my mind
makes me wish
that I would just die
makes me wish
that I was never alive
cause i’m struggling
to filter through
truth from desire
my own lies from real life
cause you
damn you
you want me to feel
want me to set those demons
on fire
make me want to grow and heal
want me to come alive

how am I supposed to
all the heartstring are torn
leave me alone
with my sinister soul
let me wither
decay to ashes
can’t you see
believing in me
just makes me want to
burn my shit faster
I wasn’t made for this world
your world
your hold
yet I broke through the ceiling
gave away
my soul
cause this shattered human being
has no strength
no reason
to litter in the streets
to climb into your sheets
to be a hand to hold
to be a heart in reach
so I gave away
the last part of me
still alive still breathing
gave it to you
for safe-keeping
if you ever walk away
keep in mind
my broken bones
keep me bound to remain
in this little spot of doom, death
and decay

strap me up
this jacket aint no fashion choice

I was born insane
landed on earth
as a stray
with a voice
and a pen
so I could leave my name
when we’d meet one day
although i
never learned to love
never learned to trust
was witness
to the most destructive lust

yet you just watch
touch and believe in
whatever the fuck
you found me to be
and stay

but you
you just swallowed me whole
made me forget
made me let go
of these chains I put on
the lock with no key-whole
now it’s harder to move
when you should be moving on
you should be passing by
leaving my frame
in a chapter of the book of life
but you stay
tell me why the fuck
do you always stay
is it cause it’s a good deed
to help out the broken and insane
is it curiosity to figure out the monstrosity
what fractions of my brain
can still function
are still in control
or maybe
is it cause believing in me
means giving weapons to the weak
giving faith to the hopeless
and the lost a destiny?

I don’t know
I probably never will
i’m counting on you leaving
counting on you to lose count of the reasons
you should walk and never look back
baby, run, baby, run
us together is unclean and under attack
yet you don’t listen
you make me snap
make me want to shake you
want to set you free of this trap
and yet all I do
is wait
wait for you to follow through
wait for you to get me out of your life
baby don’t you see?
just open your eyes
i’m no fallen angel
i’ve always danced with the devil
and I never learned to fly
so fly, spread those wings into the sky
leave me behind
cause your future should be bright
remember what I feel like
so the next time
you know
which path not to follow
which soul not to hollow
now go, fly, soar sky-high
keep me in your dreams
but cut me out of your life