for the depressed mind

I hate happy
people
days
anything
I hate it
disdain it
fear it
with my guts
tormented
into rigidness
with my soul
frozen
unmoving
to protect from change
chance
people telling me
i’ll be okay
I can be strong
fuck you
fuck no
I can’t and I won’t
and I don’t want to
i’ll stay this monster
thank you very much
I know this monster
it keeps me
broken and messy
and suffering
it keeps me
anyway
and people
all these people
even you
want me to change
i’d rather die
than give away my life
to some stupid hope
that will break
me
us
i’d rather be the one
pulling the trigger
fuck
i’d rather stay alone
and broken
messy
away from all these faces
smiling
pitifully
stop please stop
you torture me more
than I can myself
stop
don’t make me wish for change
It kills me
and I am already dead inside

KH