I’m sorry for

that

I’m sorry for
my eyes welling up
cause
years of neglect made
my heartstrings run too tenderly
my heart beats too frail

your touch
became my addiction
and my soul a victim
to your missing presence
and its aftermath
I can’t feel you
I break apart again

I’m so sorry
all i ever learned was
to crawl
then run
so I can’t stand here
waiting
not caring I’m alone

yeah,
sure,
we all have issues

some of us with trust
some with lust
pain and abandonment
and i’ve got mine
with my own dear self

so funny too
crumbling by my own hands again
so fucking funny
how it renders people speechless
them not knowing what to say
me not knowing what to feel

so I laugh – shake it off crying
never helps
then i find another
bottle, bud, or
anything
to make my mind

shut up

brain or heart
now my pulse has meaning
because I still hope
desperately
pathetically
to feel it rise again
the way it does just for you

so i’m not the girl you want
but
you got me anyway
I am sorry

I swear I am

maybe I can get better
I can do better
or maybe
I shouldn’t feel this
sorry

maybe I’ll just
stop.

 

KH