top of the morning

so it’s between you and cigarettes
but giving you up i’d rather not be
able to breathe that’s how hard it is
for me to know i should not
be here
right now
i should let go but oh no
there’s that void urging again
– if you surrender this obsession
you might as well sink with em –
and love oh dear love oh dear
it’s got nothing on us
under these covers we’re naked
except for the fears that hold us
except for the dreams i buried
next to the empty spot i kept for you
a space in case you would somehow
show up
And slip away through the covers
to love like lovers
not like people being chased by their own
oh my heart my dark heart
it’s night and day is breeching our horizon
I don’t want to see what the sun will reveal
what I’ve been grasping onto next to me
just sheets empty tangled up just me
dazed by morning
I wonder if i only ever dreamt
I wonder if i did
how was that enough?